What Are You Afraid Of?

by Olivia Barker

If anyone asks me my fears I can confidently say I'm afraid of heights, clowns and suffocating. When I was hanging by a harness 40 feet in the air, when I was greeted by a clown at a family picnic with my mom's company and when I was at the bottom of a dog pile and couldn't catch my breath...I remember the days when I realized these were my fears, but these are just the tip of the iceberg. What I really want to say when someone asks me my fears is I'm afraid to leave this world without making an impact, I'm afraid of failure, of disappointing my family and I'm definitely afraid of opening myself up for love.

What are you afraid of? When someone asks you, do you give them your typical fears or do you show them your soul and share your real, Lisa Frank diary fears? I sure as heck don't! Why are we so secretive about our fears? Why are we so afraid to be vulnerable? And why the heck do others judge us when we finally do open up?

I've been exploring my "I am woman hear me roar" side and I really want to be someone who empowers and inspires others not because I want recognition, but because I want my life and my work to mean something. Because of this, I feel like I've been more honest with myself, my family, my friends and my blog readers than I've been with anyone. I'm not afraid to be honest and I'm not afraid of being judged anymore...these are my fears.

I can't imagine just living my life day to day and never influencing change or impacting those around me. I am so scared of failing, of not being successful and because of this fear I don't take some of the chances I should. I'm afraid to disappoint my family, so I've hidden pieces of my life from them and I'm so afraid to let people totally in and know the real me. I've done this both personally and professionally and I feel like my fears have been holding me back. This past year, I started to become more confident in my work and more comfortable in my own skin so I've been more willing to address these fears. Moving 1000 miles from home has been one of the biggest challenges I've ever pursued and the pay off has given me strength to take risks, a closer relationship with my family and a willingness to be vulnerable and open with friends and whoever else may come along. ;)

My "easy" fears are still things that affect my life, but my "Lisa Frank" fears are the ones that keep me up at night. Everyday I plan to work to overcome all of my fears, except heights...that one's going to be around for a while. If God wanted me off the ground he would have given me wings.

And now I ask you, what are YOU afraid of?

Student Affairs - the First Years

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1 comment :

  1. Olivia,

    I love this post! I may have to follow up to your question with my post for next week.


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